I have a fabulous message for all married women: If your marriage is suffering, it is because of you.
The reason the message is fabulous? If you are in a relationship that is tense, stressful, difficult, demanding, boring, distant, since you are the woman, you can transform your marriage to what YOU desire.
If your husband is a pretty good guy, meaning, he doesn’t hit you for fun, then you can make your marriage fantastic.
As a female, you hold the power. I know that’s a radical statement. But I believe it. I believe you hold the power in your married relationship. Why? Because you are prettier.
You are the one he pursued. You are the one that had the power to say yes or no to that first date and you still hold that same control today.
The problem in our culture is that as women, we are not taught how to use that power wisely.
We tear our husbands apart instead of building him.
“Wisdom builds her house, but Folly tears hers down with her own hands.” Proverbs 14:1
Men want respect. They need respect. That is their oxygen. That is the air they breathe.
Giving him respect means you accept him, you approve of him and you show him affection.
The problem in most marriages is that it STARTS out that way, with mutual love and respect. Then, as the babies enter the scene, everything changes. The demands of time and energy drain the resources.
Life becomes Getting Things Done. The wife steps into her role as Mother, giving orders and wiping noses.
When Russ and I were in the thick of small babies, I had this idea that we were two oxen, pulling the family plow together.
Now, I don’t know about you, but the vision of two oxen plodding along does not exactly send a tingle down my spine.
I have feminine power and I had to learn how to use it.
- I had to learn how to find my own happy, bringing my best self into our relationship.
- I had to develop deep, nourishing friendships that helped me be my best self.
- I had to learn how to bring my most intimate desires to the relationship, speaking those desires in such a way that made my husband WANT to fill my needs.
- I had to learn how to be naked in front of him, literally. That’s a lot of vulnerable for these 50-year old breasts.
- I had to learn how to be with him fully, especially in the bedroom, leaving my To Do List in the kitchen.
- I had to learn how to be naked emotionally, trusting him with all of my sacred places, those places only reserved for God Himself.
- I had to take the leap and trust him.
- I had to learn how to look at him as my man.
- I had to learn how to relax and enjoy quiet with him, not trying to fill that space with busy.
- I had to learn that my best self is in him. My happiest moments revolve around us.
As women, we hold the power. We just do. We have intense feminine power. Our men, for the most part, are simple creatures. They want us happy. They feel success when we are content.
Build your husband. Become a playful, enjoyable partner. SMILE. Don’t take yourself so seriously. Go on dates. Laugh. Spend more time making him feel special. Learn how to express your desires.
Creating a Marriage that Inspires is amazing. Step into your gifts. You have much power.
The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura Schlessinger