I Need to Get Inside Your Brain

I Need to Get Inside Your Brain

Hello. My name is Lori Doerneman, I am a wife and mother living in Kansas. I have five sons and three daughters.

This post is designed with the parent in mind and not appropriate for children under the age of 12. Please and thank you.

I need to get inside your brain

Okay, parents, confession time. I have been busy. BUSY BUSY BUSY for YEARS & YEARS & YEARS, just more or less surviving under the CONTINUAL of PARENTING.
It’s not that I’ve a bad person, I have just been busy.
However, that has come at a cost.

I more or less failed to parent my older kids in the area of their emerging sexuality. My husband and I made sure they had “the sex talk,” but we didn’t even go into the realm of porn and masturbation.
I had good kids. Why would they go there? And I assumed (falsely) that talking about it would bring it onto their radar. So I kept silent. Or perhaps, more accurately, I allowed myself to stay busy and preoccupied so THOSE thoughts wouldn’t have a chance to land.

I now know so much more.

I am discovering that most parents are where I was. And if that is you, would you mind helping me today?

I need to get inside your brain.

The reason I am asking is that I am now at a TOTALLY DIFFERENT PLACE. Because I have so many kids, I have the most amazing gift: I get Do-0vers. For years now I have been incredibly involved in the sexual/emotional/spiritual formation of my children.
Not only that, but my oldest son, Eric, and I are in the middle of an online course for parents called “The Parenting Dare.” It is designed to help parents easily and effectively talk to their children about porn and their sexuality, how to safely use the internet and how to move and live in today’s world.
It’s good.
I love working on it.
The only issue: I have a weird brain. I forget where I have traveled. (My husband is not sure if this is a blessing or a curse. I literally cannot imagine the hard parts of life when I am sitting amid the good.)

Since I can now easy and effortlessly talk to my kids about really hard topics I am deathly afraid that I will not have my pulse on some real challenges that are facing parents today.  I am afraid that my language won’t connect with the heart of parents that are in the deep.
So I’d kind of like you to puke on me.
I divided this up into sections. Feel free to answer one or all of the questions. Or allow these questions to be a spring board for other responses. I really value your feedback.

Mamas of Little People,

When you look at your child, and you think about them growing up in our over-sexualized culture, what are your greatest fears?
Are you currently equipped to help them navigate those waters?
If not, where are your missing links?

Mamas of Medium People,

I am extremely interested in this:
Have you entered into the realm of educating your child ON PURPOSE about the dangers of the internet? Have you created an on-going dialogue about porn and how to avoid and WHY to avoid?
If not, WHY NOT? What has kept you from doing that?

What are your biggest fears and worries for your kids as they push and pull their way into adulthood?
If you had a magic wand, what would you wish for your child in their realm of their sexual development?

Mamas of Big People,

Do you think your child (age 17+) has struggled with porn/sexual issues?
If you could go back in time, what would you do differently?
What do you wish you could have known?
If you could speak into a younger mom about these issues, what would you say?

I know these are big questions. I know. But they are also important ones. You can answer below this post on my blog’s site (you will need to put in your email, which is simply a way to keep out spam) or you can respond on Facebook or you can email me at:
Lorianderic@thenewkryptonite.com. (That email will be changing but it’s relevant now.)

I kiss your feet.

Lori Doerneman

Lori Doerneman

I love my marriage consummated and my Jesus consecrated. I also love seeing the eternal in the ordinary tasks of every day life. That's why I write.
Lori Doerneman

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One thought on “I Need to Get Inside Your Brain

  1. Do you think your child (age 17+) has struggled with porn/sexual issues?
    –My older son definitely did, beginning around 12. He was 19 when I walked through his partially-open bedroom door to discover that he was masturbating and Skyping with a girl who was also pleasuring herself!

    If you could go back in time, what would you do differently?
    –Sadly, I would not have counted on lessons of abstinence. My younger son is mentally challenged, and didn’t even have a girlfriend, so it did not really occur to me to discuss condoms.

    What do you wish you could have known?
    –That girls might try/succeed to seduce him, even if they’re not even dating. He gave in ONE TIME because he was caught in an unexpected situation and didn’t have a game plan for saying no. He will still be paying child support for the next 16 years, because the girl and her mother refused to give the baby up for adoption. My son wants nothing to do with the baby or his mother, and so the baby is the one who will suffer the most for his mother’s aggressiveness and selfishness.

    If you could speak into a younger mom about these issues, what would you say?
    –You can’t count on your kids to always be “good” and you should expect that other kids won’t be. Pray. Pray. Pray.

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